It’s a surprise. Dear THB finally becomes a facebook friend after… well, almost 8 months. I am not sure if she is alright now, but I do hope she is ok already.

She is still talking about sex sex sex. And when I visited her blog last night, she seems to have gotten herself a fake penis toy. Hmm… Maybe I should be talking about sex as well. It’s not that I am not horny. I am a man, anyway. But really, who would like to read a man talking about sex… Sounds lecherous meaninglessly… Well, this is the Ministry of Love and Justice, not the Ministry of Cunts and Penis. If THB is feeling lonely, so is Scope. A wounded heart feels loneliness readily.

Actually, the correct saying is… our hearts feel hollow, not lonely.

I am finding a career in this tiny island of nothing. I am replaying ‘Jagged Alliance: Back In Action’ with a new set of mercenaries.

I am wasting life. And I am scare of death.

Thought of covering some biochemistry stuff but decided to delete instead.

Very soon, it’d be Cat’s birthday. She gave me nothing for my birthday… This Cat… I’d just love her lesser and lesser… She is no longer a loveable chick. OMG~ She has aged.

Christine asked if Yun was pregnant; I was surprised because we always used protection. Maybe it’s time to marry Yun… and Elaine… and Diana. I can’t marry all of them, that’s for sure. I am no muslim. Curious, I asked Christine if Yun was really pregnant, and she told me Yun mentioned about settling down making her suspect a possible shotgun marriage. Eventually, the big question will come it seems… Who will I marry. But I have no intention to marry any of them.

I bought Christine a can of beer, we chatted till about 10pm when I asked her to stay overnight. We had casual sex for the first time… Problem with Christine is she knows Yun and she got a boyfriend, so we made a deal not to tell anybody. I know Christine’s boyfriend and if he knows I fucked his girl, I’d be whacked real hard… I suppose adult world is full of secrets. Casual sex has no attachment but pure pleasure; Christine did well in bed, and for a moment, I was wondering if she could be my girl instead. Point is, I only know her boyfriend… I am no friend of that guy.

Pat is getting busy with her wedding.

Yeah, we are still seeing each other but less frequently because her boyfriend is around more often for the preparation. And I don’t like the risk. It’s also very uncomfortable after sex with Pat that you have to jump into your clothes because that guy is coming or could be coming. I am beginning to feel Pat has a problem handling two guys because I obviously don’t like to be rushed. I don’t find it thrilling but tiring. Pat is so excited about the coming honeymoon that we actually chatted about this after sex. I can see she is very excited about the whole marriage thing. Women…

I jolly well can imagine Pat talking about her future kids in the future in my arms… Boring.

Diana is clearing her leaves before she takes on a new job, so recently I have been running around town with her. The usual things, shopping, eating and more shopping. She will be now based in Singapore, and that means I’d have to spend more time catering to her fancy than before. Honestly, it is a test of patience to go around shopping with Diana. She can take hours to choose a pair of shoes! However, she is great in bed and she gives me good massage. Frankly, I consider it a blessing to have a woman who can massage.

We met Jenny while hanging out at Suntec on Wednesday. Jenny has aged much since I left her a few years ago, but still elegant and proud, and still pretty. She now has a baby son… I looked at him. He didn’t look like Jenny, so he must look like his father. Jenny and I had a wonderful time together, but she was too possessive. She won’t tolerate me seeing other women, and was always suspicious. Somehow, I was apologetic towards her… We had fond memories, great time in and out of bed, but we quarrelled as well. Actually part of me knows I needed her company… that’s all.  Knowing that she is married is a relief somehow.

Finally, she has a man to her own. It is something that I could never offer her…

I still remember the way we kissed… hot, juicy… sensational.

Kate… whenever I saw her new surname, my heart stirs.

Hi scope, initially I really didn’t want to open this thread because it’s open by you. Probably I was being sterotype because of all the negative replies you have given in this forum but I am glad I read this thread of yours today.
somehow I feel for you… some how i wish the guy who i love so deeply yet makes me so miserable were half as faithful as you.

many people will think what you’ve said is bullshit but i can totally relate what you mean. even if you have many gfs, your love for the married woman still remains strong…

i am married. but i couldn’t divorce due to some strong reason… i fell in love with a married man 2 years ago and thou he is divorced now, he is seeing someone again and i am still stuck in the limbo… i wish he was persistant enough to take me away. but end up I am being blame for making him lonely hence he found himself a gf. but he keep claiming he still loves me alot and he have his reason of sticking to his gf.

i don’t know what to do. i don’t have the courage to love him any deeper because it felt like i am slowly killing myself. i cannot be selfish again to ask him leave his gf.

tell me how do you even keep loving her when she is with someone else? because I really can’t do it.

How can it not hurt? How can it be easy? It took me a long time to manage locking up my feelings for her again. Love is pretty simple… yet not easy. I must admit, knowing the woman I love being with another man is pure torture, but… I’d get used to it. Even if Kate were to have died, I’d still love her, so it doesn’t matter if she is now in another’s arms… While my love for the married woman does remain strong, it’s only responsible on my side to keep the feelings locked up. Of course, it doesn’t mean I can’t be serious with other women.

Love is great, love is me. There is no how, Kate is special, I didn’t fall for her by choice. It’s a destined suffering I must endure. Because I am a man.

I don’t care what other people think of my ‘bullshits’. It’s real. I am in love with a now married woman. And that’s all. To Kate, it’s may be ‘crap’ again. But so?

This woman can feel for me because she is in love, and in a complicated situation… Actually it’s not complicated when it comes to love. You just love someone. That’s all.

Yes. It still hurts. It will always hurt. This ‘crap’ will never end. I try not to think about Kate… I couldn’t. She just slips into my mind; that young she who couldn’t even look straight into my eyes slips into my mind again. She knows how much I love her. That’s how much I need to be a moron to her. I have no choice. She is married. There is an honor. Marriage is not the issue. Marriage is merely an international law… a piece of crap with loopholes. Go to middle east and she is considered single again.

It’s the feeling. It’s the honor. I cannot be the third party nor her spare tyre. It’s unfair to me. So… I have to be the moron. Totally rid myself from any possibility of being together again.

My desire would be the cruelty to others. Love may seems to be selfish.

But if I have a chance to embrace Kate in my arms… I want to see her blushing face as when she was young again… I want her to tell me that she does love me. That we’d leave this horrible island together.

But she is married. For her happiness, crap it may be, someone must suffer. So be me.

Kate is a lucky woman. There is a man who really loves her.

Like I said, I don’t care about how many people would think about me. As if they are all capable of love. They won’t share my pain. They won’t understand the feelings. So… why should I bother about what they think? They don’t care. I am not them.

Actually… I don’t think Kate understands as well. LOL~

When you can keep loving someone even if she were to be dead, you can love someone even if he or she is elsewhere… in someone else’s arms. Love is not selfish desire. Once you understand this, you can love. You can do it.


Ever since I met Kate again, I have been fighting this cold feel of emptyness in me. While it makes me stronger, I am still weak fighting off the cold. I really wish I had not met her. Kate, if you were to be in my arms, I’d never let you go.

That’s about it. Love. It can be very warm, but it can be cold assaults and yes, sometimes I trembled.

It’s too cold from the heart.

Heaven made me too romantic, and I am vulnerable in the heart. Otherwise I fuck care the world since I am into science and practical laws. I basically feel inhuman at times because my love for this fucked up world has died off.

I like to try new things. It’s very obvious in this blog. And I don’t care if people like what I like.

I shot another article into Tremeritus, it got edited and published by the site. I decided I like to have my little voice heard, screaming in the dark… in the cold… to nobodies.

The fortune teller is very sure Kate is the destined woman and we’d eventually meet again. I know she is the one but… I am not sure whether it is a good idea we’d meet again. I don’t think Kate is a romance freak like myself… I can only imagine me bouncing into a pile of rocks… Maybe I’d melt her and let her taste true romance. But that’d be probably when we are both old… whereby with legs can’t walk, with tongues can’t taste, hair all white, wrinkles all over the faces… I dreamt of her at times, and tried not to think about her aging. Her blushing face must be all that I remember.

Fate…

The point is, my love for her is crap on her side… probably. Now she is no longer that young girl, maybe I’d pick up another word from her.

She’d never treasure my feelings for her, so what’s the point of seeing her again? But I have learned to go along the wheel of fortune ignorantly… I really don’t know what is in store for us. But Kate is definitely luckier than me. At least I love her for close to two decades, tortured for that long, and she is happily married to a fatty. Unfair, man. Why can’t I have Kate whole in this life? All I know is I have to be mentally prepared for fate’s craziness, a game I have no control in. I should have listened to that fortune teller and wise enough to ignore Chok.

But would I really ignore Chok…? That was his marriage, and he needed help.

Nowadays, I don’t dare to go back to the fortune teller again. Too accurate too many times.

Knock me unconcious, take my memory away so that the next time Kate slips into my dream, even if she were to be naked I won’t recall who the fuck she is…

Seriously… I am going bonkers.

Ada Wong… Li Bing Bing is going to play Ada in the coming Resident Evil movie.

Isn’t she a bit too short forAda’s long sexy legs…?

Face-wise, she is ok. If she doesn’t smile, that’s Ada. I have lost interest in alot of mortal things, I am losing interest even in Resident Evil. It’s still Alice meets zombies, shoot shoot shoot… It’s beginning to be pretty boring playing with Umbrella if this new movie doesn’t come up with anything new. I really need entertainment to fight off the coldness.

I still remember how I was crushed when I learned Kate’s married… That was shivering. That blow was beyond my imagination. Never in this life have I been hit that hard… have I felt that cold.

Yeah, she is the destined schoolmate… FUCK HER. Couldn’t sleep for a couple of days… That was real tough.

Well… That’s called life experience. At least I got that. Once is enough. I really marvel at my ability to ward off that kind of chill in the heart. Yes. Once is way more than enough. That’s how deadly Kate is to Scope. It was no wonder I took her phone number and chilled off back then. I knew I would have melted before her. The taste of love in the worst of a way…

So it’s very obvious who my One is. Thank you fucking God for making it so fucking obvious. What next? What’s new? Kidnap her to middle east, declare her to be single again…? LOL~

Life… is always full of surprises. She hurts me so much, but I got stronger and stronger… until I have lost taste for everything. Hopefully, the worst is over. At least I am still standing tall.

Hang on tight, Scope… You never know what is coming next.