If someone must suffer, it shalt be me… because I have a good heart to take it.

This entry is a classical graphical challenge for me. I decided to take the shots outside… Well… The effect is refreshing. But the editor… I may need to reinstall it again. It’s not producing the normal pictures in sizes… easy sizes to be slotted into the entries. And this time, it got worse. I have to literally calculate the frame parameters. Not to say, the hilariously larger file size per picture…

Something happened, I feel very down. I thought this would be a good month. It’s not. It’s tougher than I would expect for August.

I have been dropping by some local blogs… checked the style, the feel, and… I am not really entertained. It’s mostly food… travel… CLUBBING and… this and that.

All of a sudden… I know what I need to do… or… I guess it’s what I maybe need to do.

I can’t miss Kate everyday… I’d miss my life. Besides… I have done enough, suffered enough, I won’t be picking myself up with her sneaking into my dreams and nightmares. The psycho barrier works very well, but I am going nuts. Love is not what she seeks… I think. But love is what I need. This is going nowhere.

I figured… even if she were to be available again, she doesn’t need me. It’d be another bui bui… I definitely expected someone more… elegant. It won’t be me. I’d be forever too late. I might as well be late… till she got her own grave. Moreover… I wanted a complete her… She isn’t complete anymore. Part of her… part of her memory… her heart… will be shared by… OMG… … I can’t believe it is fate that I have to hit two downward spirals because of her.

Christine is right… There is something stuck in my mind. It’s Kate. And I need to remove her to move on. I have no regrets. She knows I still love her. That’s enough.

As long as I stay away from the east… there will be no way we’d meet again#1.

Catholics…

Her rate of aging is speedy… shockingly fast. I don’t understand…  Perhaps that’s because we have met when she was only 18… I’d always remember she was always blushing before me. She was so shy to look me properly in the eyes, and her voice always shook in high pitches…  It’s a torture to ban myself and make sure I stay in place… That girl was my dream… but I ran away. Hilarious me. I always blame myself all these years for this. In the end, it wasn’t me who walked her into the church… and she changed a lot since.

Fate is… I won’t ever be there… till the very end, till she rests permanently; I’d bring a bunch of roses… and tell her I still love her.

Romance is in my blood. It can’t be helped.

Too bad… Kate doesn’t ban me from Facebook#2. She should have. I rather she does it. If she doesn’t… then it’s time I pull myself away. I’d miss her. And she should know it. There is no way I’d forget her. She was insane, thinking that I have forgotten her. I am insane… I can’t forget her. But… it’s sure nice to see her blushing face again. Her body completely gave her away. I don’t think she even realized that. Me too… I couldn’t behave normally…

Me and her… completely abnormal when placed together. Well…

Politics… I am finding the power fights disgusting. PAP can’t work… the opposition can’t either. Now what… two white elephants fighting for one bamboo… The new generation will turn to opposition camps… it’s only a matter of time PAP be removed with its complete reluctance to change. What I am more worried is a few more ‘terms’ could be needed before daft Singaporeans wake up… and realize that Singaporean politics is about what fucking works and not simply blind shootings.

Sure… we got Glenda Han, and we’d have more babes coming in. So what the fuck use?

The more I ponder… the greater the urge to fuck off.

I can sit back whole day to watch those fools fight among themselves… taking huge salaries talking cocks in parliament… as MPs… Members of Parliament representing NOBODY. LOL~

This is the hilarious issue for the Republic of Singapore. The MPs bullshit and the opposition shits along, they blast each others as if we don’t have enough jokes already. What is the fuck use of a Republic when junks are meritocratically chosen to represent only their own salaries… Sound feudal to me. How can I not blame Lee Kuan Yew for hosting an whole army of Jack Neos in grassroots and civil services. I can’t find a reason not to blame the old guy. He should have known better. I would easily do a much better job than all his fuck orchestra combined…

Meritocratically, those jokers scored well in exams and got all the money raining from PAP’s underwear… so now the population senses the hole and is preparing for sodomy.

When can we ever eradicate so many simpletons planted, raised, nurtured and groomed by PAP???

Some people believe in God… It is fucking high time God does its ding dongs… else, I’d vote against God as well.

I sin a lot. I have killed three innocent lives… I have let women down. Though they can’t be helped… I always felt guilty. That’s why… I am beginning to feel it has been better an arrangement that Kate has fallen for that bui bui… then that chap be seduced by a gorgeous mainland babe… LOL~ I realize I may have been serious, I may have been good, I may have been a sincere freak but… I sin again and again… again and again. I hurt the women I love… I feel bad when I see Cat.

I can never totally forgive her having that boy with that jerk… yet I feel sorry for her.

I know I can’t tolerate her anymore… yet whenever I see her, I am angry, yet… I pamper her.

I know I should have married Hilary and stayed in Beijing with a splendid career… but I returned.

Every time I chose what should be right… it turned out very wrong for me.

I chose to help Chok out, and I was trapped by Kate. Those two jokers knew… and they never warned me.

Why… …

Thinking back… If I were to be a total bastard… After I got Kate’s numbers… I should have just fucked her and dumped her… then do the same to Cat, then to Hilary… and there won’t be any problem. The women may even think I am a good guy. If I had ditched Cat, left her to rot in Singapore, I would be enjoying a great time with sexy and very supportive Hilary… and I won’t need to come back, and be threatened by that crazy egoistic Andy Ong~ Great customer service he sure got… If…

If I have not wanted to be a good guy… I’d be flooded with gold, fucking all the cunts who love gold in Singapore… I won’t have slapped Cat… …

LOL~

It’s a sin to be a good guy.

Maybe it’s a test of some sort… After all, you can’t barge into Heaven. But every turn and corner… I prove myself to be an asshole… a complete asshole. Nobody in the right mind will love a married woman for over 15 years… nobody in the right mind will give Cat a second chance… and flew back from Heaven and made Hilary cried… Nobody in the right mind will go to that wedding dinner…

I wanted to be a good guy. But I am not.

Actually… I am trapped in every turn and choice because… I believe I am doing the right things.

If fucking God does exist… won’t He love Kate forever, however, whatever…? Won’t He want to tend to Cat…? Won’t he need to make Hilary cried…? Won’t he want to help Chok?

If… this is a test… I am praying that God is running out of ideas soon. Otherwise, Mr Good Guy is going to show Him the middle finger.


This world will be a better place if changing this shit society is as easy as changing your underwear. First… you got the stupid politics to bother with. Lucrative 5 years of showing your face for a fat cheque… thanks to PAP. Tin Pei Ling must be happy like so fucked… Then you got a whole population of crazy fanatics to deal with… fanatics of money, of sex, and… to that joker called God. In the name of God, donate till your last drop of blood from the cunt; in the name of God, fuck Jeruselum with crusaders; in the name of God, let Jihad fucks you; in the name of God…

The bible never seems to tell anyone what the fuck name is God anyway. Maybe God’s name is Scope…

Anyone likes to donate to Scope so that I can build myself a better home on Earth? Is that one of Kong Hee Fatt Chuay’s lines?

So it’s not easy to wish for an utopia any time soon… because there is also one thing to consider…

Stupidity.

And now we got aliens.

I was reading the papers… for free, but it still tells me the same thing as it is telling others for a dollar… that a sister SACRIFICES herself so that her sister can graduate from university… Wonderful. After all these years, we still have such jokes. Is this meritocracy? If that sister can study well… she can’t, and she can’t be a top civil servant playing golf doing nothing and taking huge pay. And I am reading those jokers at YPAP Facebook arguing about Meritocracy. Are they crazy… or I am crazy.

I am totally fed up. This society is as crazy as EDMW.

And well… to balance things up… those crazy women hugging rich pigs now are expecting intensified competition from the North… Will that make love slightly more expensive? In my life… whenever this subject comes, Kate comes to my mind. I rather think her standard is surprisingly low than to… label her a cheap high class hooker. Either way… It also reminds me of THB’s infamous words… there is something other than love that a woman will want to spend her life with a man… or a pig for.

THB has signed the annulment, anyway.

Now the next question is… when she meets a dashing new chap…  what ‘love’ is it of the ‘ex-husband’ she was harboring?#3

You know… local women’s craziness never fails… to turn Scope off. Why is it a surprise that I am totally shunning local cunts… Can you be serious with them? Why must I fight with a pig for Kate#4… why must she make things so hard for me? So naturally… I am getting used to local women’s craziness. I read the blogs of local women… I know one by one, they would get it. And usually, normally, naturally… it’d always be the mainland babes’ wrong. It’s never true love. It’s all about money. Girls want money, guys want sex. It’s a fair game. Just because you can’t compete on your own rules doesn’t mean you can cry foul when the mainland babes snatch your husbands for money.

It’s really one big reason why I never approached Kate…

I mean… if you know her husband… you’d know why Scope is reluctant to move further. I can’t do it… no matter how much I love Kate. I don’t want to make myself that cheap… to be berated by Kate over such a him.

It’s madness.

This society…  personal experience or from those reported stories… it is long due for a change. How the fuck can Jack Neo be so funded to produce all those junks and he even got the shame to talk about the rules of entertainment circles. Eh fuck you, Jack~

But this is reality… I love a hopeless woman… I can’t compete with a junk.

I totally like the feel of what I created here… the colors are neat… I ‘model’ this from a concept stolen from one of Keenu Reeves’ pics.

Ng said… … she is going to find me a job, but no ‘director’. It’s fine with me, I’d still get to direct my own productions once I got the job, I got the time, I got the things to shoot… The problem is, how long will she take. Is she even in charge in the first place? LOL~

Beijing got tons of opportunities for artists… It’s not the skills Singapore likes to talk so much about… it’s the way of arts.

Singaporeans cannot differentiate between Jack Neo’s junks and the next pussy laid on the street.  It’s very real, it’s very demoralizing. And I have to be stuck here facing ‘smart’ singing Singaporeans who think they know everything.

I decided to add no more words to the pics, but a moustache for this entry. Outdoor shots prove nice… I’d try more in time to come.  And Singaporeans… think it’s ‘Steven Lim’ style. That’s bullshit. I’d just do what I like. The moustache makes me look abit older… Well… The wind helps make my day.

I am thinking of trying doing a HD video with my HD camera… but… the catch is… Cat broke the camera… so it is not performing that well. But it should last long enough to help me decide if I should get one nice camera from the next Comex and do more HD videos. And please… I never said I am handsome… hence, I am not ‘the most handsome man on Earth’ as compared to Mr Steven Lim. Stop comparing Scope to Steven. Yeah, he’s the most handsome man on Earth alright… I am not interested in such titles, anyway.

I have to ‘quit’ Kate… I have to go to the beach. I have to cool down, and I have to bring my camera along.

I need the romantic powers of the seas… to heal me… to appease my soul#5. If Poseidon can grant me his powers… I’d probably suck him dry. I am dying without romance and love… …

My style is my problem… not yours. Just read, and fuck off…

#1 It’s very tough. Can you imagine I have to say, type, do everything I can to fight the urge to see her. LOL~ I knew this when we first met… I just never figured it’d be that tough. I want to say something sweet… do something sweet… but I can’t. I know if I do… I’d sink further. A man’s got to do what a man needs to do. I am proud of myself… She is the ultimate challenge… I seem to have overcome the destined woman. Many years I sought… I dreamt of seeing her again… but there is now another… I have to go away… it’s tough, but I have done it. I do not have a choice… She has made her choice.

#2 Maybe she is trying to play nice… But she shouldn’t. I rather she smashes me real hard. No matter what I did… I can still find her via searching Facebook. She knows I am serious in her… but she also knows I am a nice guy… I made her the stars, she threw it away, and I still love her… So… probably that’s why she doesn’t find me a threat. Maybe she just thinks I am silly… Why can’t she just make things easier for me… just ban me for good. I’d feel much better.

#3 I am kind of fond of THB… She is the type who never ever knows herself… Always herself, always lonely, smart… but not smart enough. She’d find me ‘irridating, disgusting’… whatever, but… I probably know her than she even knows herself. Unlike THB… I have to overcome Kate all by myself… all those years… I have to lock Kate in my heart with my own strength… that’s how I grow up, I face things direct… the raw hurt, the rejection, the humiliation, the love, everything. I have no support. Totally none. I only have myself. I am more mature than THB… I know what love truly is. I know its power… Kate is the destined woman… I have to fight my feelings for her. It’s crushing against myself… again and again… That’s why… I am kinda stronger. I wonder what is coming next for THB… She has not met her destined guy yet. Interesting woman.

#4 When we first met… I have never imagined… she’d end up with a guy like that… … Well… … … … … … I am totally devastated. That’s all I need to know. I can’t imagine their wedding… … It breaks my heart real badly. I feel cheap… that’s the type of guy for the girl of my dream… … God, I hate you. This joke is not funny. I am not going to be second choice to such a fellow… God… go and fuck spider.

#5 I am not Kate… I can’t live without love, passion and romance… it’s a need that sex alone cannot fulfill. I am feeling very tired… I need the blessings of the seas… … I am sad. My love is gone forever. My hope is dashed. Only the seas can heal my soul. Only the romance of sunset can recharge me. Wash away my sorrow… and release me from this curse. I should have earned it…

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