[First of all, condolence to Japan and congrats to Singapore… Kiasi Singaporeans after seeing Japan’s ‘safe’ nuclear plants after the tsunami should help tell Singapore NO to nuclear plants… You can have many plants such as romantic roses… but not nuclear… You can have nudes… not nukes. Anyway, the next tsunami is on its way for the Northern Seas… So, good luck Japan!]

If I go with my heart, where shalt it leads me… in this short mortal life?

The pretty maid is still not coming… Mum’s huge bum on her head is like ok already. That old lady surely has a way to scare the hack of his son… Cat returned for a stay yesterday so I brought her to Subway; I was quite happy she was happy. Or was it yesterday…? I am not sure how long I can drag her to stay in Singapore… she’s making me worried by her inclination of going back to her hometown… just next to Japan. She was a great girl when we first met, I don’t want to see her corpse…

Blessed by Heaven, an error I made… dragged me away from Kate’s facebook. Heaven is just in time because the pain was becoming unbearable, and I was going bonkers… She just won’t give me a quick death sentence. I don’t understand what I have done against her to deserve the pain and she is a Catholic… But Heaven is kind enough to offer me a way out and I have to take it. But the heart still aches… even if I am next to a babe. The eczema is vanishing… The Scope in the mirror is getting more familiar…

A couple of friends suggested I have no short of younger babes why a married woman heading for her 40s… They won’t understand my love for Kate… When I first tried to locate her, I thought she had become a bloating woman wearing specs… I didn’t mind. Because there is only one Kate in this world, aged, ugly, whatever… I just wanted to see her again, and tell her outfront how I felt, and… ask her if she is really married. They don’t understand how special this older married woman is to me… even if she were to be dead, not to mention, she is only married… … and married for so long she still doesn’t know how love can be so painful and be kind enough to end my misery.

It will be heart aches for the rest of my life, but Heaven’s blessing helps return every feeling for her back into my closet… so that I can begin to embrace other women. I hope this is the best ending… and she is no longer the destined girl woman. I know I deserve someone younger, more beautiful and who understands love… But I knew she is the One the first time we met… and I fear the destiny I was shown. I never thought we’d meet again. I never expected she’d call and give her location away…

She has planted a thorn in my heart… and I find myself cannot face her. I can’t tolerate her status, her choice… and what ugly truths I’d have to confront… My courage is depleted. I have no reason to move forward even a step. She knows I truly love her… that’s enough. It’s time for me to leave with Heaven’s aid. I would not be her lover, I have always wanted her to be my wife. But I thought I could escape that destiny…

Don’t ask me why I’ve almost gone crazy for a married woman seeing her last bit of youth exhausting… The only answer is, she is Kate… a married woman who still doesn’t understand love…
[Kate’s bad business… But I can’t just weep all day. Boys have to play… 35yo boy can have some fun to fight off the heart aches… Here goes… Don’t guess who is holding the camera… fucking stylo angle~ I am trying very hard to cool myself down… It took me 2 years back then… now… hopefully it’d take shorter.]

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Singapore is buzzing with election news… Since I am politically ignorant, apathetic, whatever the fuck… I find it extremely sianz… … I have watched ‘The Myth’ (神话), the music is wonderful, the female selection is a mess, but the story is nice… The hero fell in love with the girl… who later married Qin Emperor… … I also fell in love with a girl… who later married to a fatso… I can feel the heart aching… The other women might protest… but I knew Kate before them. So no point getting angry with an older married woman who… will only prefer to see me suffer in pain…

The internet is now talking about this Tin Pei Ling whatever… So called the materialistic woman who married what secretary to what big shot… My problem? I don’t find her cute. Any of my women is far more attractive than her… Her hairstyle, her funny eyes, her big mouth, her… Her bra size is probably A cup… and she looks so… tiny?! And she looks horrible in all white… Definitely not my taste… I don’t see any depth or sense any maturity from her… like Monica Bellucci… Gosh… She’s a babe. Just as Hirosue… These are my types… So I can’t be bothered about her. For fuck…? Even Lynn is cuter than her. LOL~

Hey! Lynn’s got a sweetheart already, and I always see her like an immature tiny sister… Kpo, and blur type of sister.

I have to close down my facebook. I have told Edwina about it… Gosh~ I really hope she is not really thinking of suicide… I have encountered all sorts of women… but she’s like in a depression. I don’t know how to help her…#1

Recently, my life has been a mess, and I almost thought Edwina has already gone onto a bright path… Baby, stay strong. I’d like to meet her for copi when I visit the States later. Now I can only hope she’d email back… because emails mean she is still alive. There will always be hope when one is alive.

A couple of numbers… obtained by chatting up girls on the streets… no mood to call. I guess I’d have to pick up numbers again when I am fully settled. Mum has prepared the bed for the maid… that was my old bed, a luxurious single bed worth no less than S$1,000. Cat is the only woman who has shared that bed with me; And I don’t know if they have found a beauty to come or not… It’s dangerous to have a babe as a maid at home, because… girls… when they get too close to Scope for a period of time, they will usually ask for this: Sex. I don’t know why… It’s perhaps my inclination to pamper women… It’s the main reason why I won’t face Kate… I have no wish to be merely her lover… I want her, everything…

Heard that she is a sweet young thing…


[This is meant to be a ‘salute’. A salute to myself for whatever the fuck… … LOL~ I like the cap… and I like to wear it that way. Guys be guys… and that me… a naughty guy.]
I am planning to take a long vacation in an exotic location after I have gotten familiarized with the newcomer. Mum is a big blur queen, so my room won’t be safe with the keys in her hands… and I’d need to come back without sleeping with spiders, roaches and breathing dust… I am not getting myself a safe. I have no wish to distrust a lass. Nor do I have any wish to steal her heart… Her new master is a wild gentleman, and with Cat gone and Kate now out of the way… very soon, the bedroom will see many ‘visitors’. Something that will definitely piss my ridiculous brother off…

Technically speaking, I am not an womanizer… But I can’t live without romance… and heartbreaks.

Cat seems to be pissed off by Claire’s calls… but there is really nothing between me and that mother of two. After I have changed my numbers, only Kate and Cat know the numbers. So the 90 over women can only contact me via MSN… if they know what my MSN account is, I am not using it anyway. I have told Jessie countless of times… after she chose to marry that old fattie rich balding man… I have totally lost interest in her. If she wants sex, go find a gigolo… I don’t think she gets my message… that I am serious. The reason why I seldom have sex with Cat ever since she returned is basically due to the same reason… I do love Cat. But I can’t stand her choosing an ugly jerk… such tasteless sin…

Unlike most common Singaporean men… I can have no sex life for whenever I want… because I have never been short of women. What I lack in everyone of those cunts is love…

That young sweet thing who thought she can rein me in… didn’t understand, only love can rein me. She was too ‘optimistic’ with her lovely smile appearing too… immature. I am not the sort of man who’d want a woman naked… I have seen too many women naked… They just want organsm… the three-times shots of addiction per go that makes them wanting more and more and more… If this is even relationship… I think they’d fall in love with a vibrator. Although it sounds sadistic… but I love it when Hilary got hurted by her friends… and wept in my gentle arms as I sayang-ed her… Hilary was a great woman to have. And she danced very well… I’d love to see her dance again.

But the most beautiful eyes I have seen… belonged to an Iranian CEO… I’d never forget her eyes… green, mesmerizing… and her lips…

I am very drawn to elegant beauties…

Ever since I met Kate again… I knew I am in trouble. Kate’s rein is divinely designed… My eyes, my lips… all melt before her. She has a sick hobby in seeing me suffer and getting stuck… I took no lesser than 2 years before I could embrace Cat… It’s no wonder I have to stay away from Kate. 5 more years, she’d be 40yo… Age is every woman’s greatest enemy. She is married for about 10 years… yet she doesn’t understand love still. I may be her destined man… but she ruins both of us with a silly choice. I know she’d get hurted eventually, but she’d be too old to justify a choice by then… just like poor Irene Kang.

I vowed not to hurt her… but… I might have indirectly sent her to harm’s way… Kate, I am sorry. But I never knew you were so foolish… …

Wisdom and love will be needed to open the gates to Heaven…
[Was listening to fuck music when…]

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Of late, I just wish to be alone. Other than doing some online chats… I have lost a huge bulk of interest in even gaming. The heart aches still come… but I am having quality sleep at long last. Nobody in Singapore understands what is ‘the One’ and the One’s power… and what is divine infidelity, nor love. I am getting sick and tired reading about local versions of relationship or matters of the hearts… Indeed, I made a wrong decision and now… the One is engaging divine infidelity, and I… am having one babe after another.

I felt a deep sense of guilt towards Kate… if we were to have been together, nobody else would have appeared… And it’d be eternal happiness till the last breathe…

It’s my fault…

In the end, nothing does change. She is still the destined… and she’d end up suffering. The only comfort for myself is… she made that choice… But deep inside me, I know I am heavily responsible for that choice of hers. Hopefully, a miracle will come for her… Be strong, Kate. It’s only one life…

Love and justice… No matter how you make decisions, you’d always have regrets. Because matters of the heart cannot be decided by the brains alone. Right or wrong, it only depends on how true your heart is.

Kate’s episode teaches me something valuable… it’s crazy to try cheating my heart. Perhaps the destiny could be disasterous… but love never changes. No money can replace her love for me… nothing can reverse a lie to the heart. She has always been the one woman I have been prepared to grow old… and ugly with.

Perhaps that’s why Heaven decides to rescue me…

I have proven myself.


[It was time to fly off… …]

#1 April 1st… she replied on her birthday suggesting she is ok now… Relief… … Stay strong, Ed… I guess girls all around the world are about the same… As long as she doesn’t do something stupid… that’s wonderful news.

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