[Nothing much to say… Taken around mid march by whoever.]

Immortality does come with a price… I can’t afford it.

DSC specialist dismissed me an STD case, also… I was ruled out of an HIV infection by the 12th weeks, still… after the 135th day negative Elisa and Rapid tests, I am going for another test for the 6th month. It’s an initiative I must take, though the specialists would likely think I am being ridiculous… and my psychatrist is giving me medications for hypochodriac disorder. The eczema comes on and off… in spite the new specialist at NUH prescribed an expensive cream, it’s still immuno-suppressant. It does seem working…

But I prefer to know what the fuck am I allergic to… with this hormonal disorder due to HIV alarm. In fact, I am living a life of an HIV seronegative infected.

So I am now applying the moisturizer prescribed by DSC after using the NUH cream for a few times.

But the main issue is, I have to ‘swell’ the dick regularly to check for irregularities. So far so good. But it’s decommissioned for intimacy purpose, until further notice. And there is a need to observe the ejeculations at intervals. For health’s sake, it’s pretty sianz but it’s necessary.

Sister’s baby is now at home. That’s while I am looking for a career… ever since I decided I can’t take over the family business, now I don’t have much time for interviews, apparently. Basically, I am looking for two things to be exact, a good boss or a good product to be my own boss. Now with Cat gone, the good thing is I can concentrate to make a future. I told her to choose sales… not due to the meagre year-end bonus and to share gossips with poor shopkeepers… … Well, she’d never be on the same frequency. I love Cat, but honestly, she’s a drag.

She’d never grow up.

And she chooses to leave again.

She’d never change.

Sis is in luck, because his brother is a baby-lover. And thanks to me… I prevented an injury to the baby just in time the other day. My brother can’t be trusted with babies… The only thing about me babysitting is I can’t do both feeding and diaper change. To be exact, I can do diaper change if need be, but definitely not feeding. And I can’t handle the shits very well either. Angels are good when it comes to doing good.

I visited the silly auntie talk forum on matters of the heart just now, still a bunch of immature silly low IQ nosensical talks. I simply can’t tolerate illogical rubbish especially when people are trying to ‘regulate’ love, redefining it into a sadistic satanic mutation to fit into a silly mentality befitted for a well of frogs. But then, it’s very interesting to see the various colors of souls there… Entertaining. Saddening.

I read with amusement about those sex scandals… MOE picked a sex pervert, MP is helped by a sex pervert, and another RC chairman being hailed a sex pervert… SM Goh also suggested a sex pervert to enter politics many years back; and this jackass is pushing a new movie for Singapore to prove they are idiots once more. Only idiots pay to buy junks. Singaporeans are infamous for that already. I don’t think an ace like myself will have a career in movie making in Singapore. The investors here love to invest in critters to produce rubbish, the tiny Calorie molehill is contented with producing rubbish and getting medals for such ‘achievements’, and the government loves to offer medals to jackasses and perverts.

So I have to be more ‘down-to-earth’. I am seeking a simpler employment first… What do you think a degree holder with honors can do in Singapore?

Other than wasting time and watching those bastards turning this society upside-down with tons of craps everywhere in the name of God… Ahem~

As for China’s production… mostly rubbish. But there is one… 《剑雨》is worth watching. OK, I must admit for an high IQ individual watching this movie, there are 3 absurdities I can’t accept, but for movie-sake this movie is really relatively good. I have no mood condemning the illogical parts, but the reasons why I like this movie are pretty simple: Good acting, appropriate costumes, not-that-exagerated gungfu stunts, and despite an easy to guess plot it’s still nice to see the husband turning out to be that highly skilled. And the romance at the final part rounds things up pretty heartwarmingly.

I rate this movie B+.

[I don’t feel well. Still don’t. I didn’t do my hair, do anything… I just take this shot… I feel so… tired of life. If it is HIV… maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. I am sick… love sick. I am becoming a mortal…]

[Fallout 2 Full Version] Recently I am playing Fallout 2. It’s an old game I’ve replayed many times… But I am recently playing the ‘Full version’, which is the Restoration Project version. And upon playing it… I realise why so many parts are removed. The EPA part, for instance… … It’s all insulting China while making fun at the ‘commies’ (communists), and it’s all displaying the horrors of USA… the champion of humanitarian efforts due to the creation of crazy anti-human beings out of stupidity. Satire… Totally politically incorrect.

The full version of Fallout 2 seems to be a political outlash in disguise of current governments… And the Abbey is like describing the muslims, pretty religiously provoking. It’s Kilap’s version, and San Fransico won’t be a money cache anymore for players with ‘Steal’ as a skill.

But that’s indirectly so only, because you can always steal from NCR merchant and barter for the Power Armors in San Fransico. And the good thing is, those junks you got from NCR you exchanged for powerful items and ammo will be quickly refreshed out into non-existence with new useful goods coming in. So the order of the game is simply to get the car, get the mission to get the vertibird plan, enter Navarro, get the Power Armor then go back to BOS in San Fransico, get the YK32 fuck rifle, steal from NCR and barter the junks for the Power Armors in San Fransico, then recruit the team.

If you want to have a godly character, then in the Full version you remember:

1. Strength can be added by 4 due to power armor and 1 from perk and 1 from the chip in Vault City lvl 2.

2. Perception can be added by 1 from perk and 1 from the chip in Military Base lvl 3.

3. Charisma can be added by 1 from the perk and 1 from the chip in Navarro, and 1 from the Shades and 1 by taking Mentates. For recruitment purpose, since the limit is 5, remember you can add another slot with Magnetic Personality perk. So Charisma can start out very very very low because it’s basically useless other than to recruit helpers.

4. Intelligence can be added by 1 from the perk and 1 from the chip found in the Sierra Base lvl 1.

5. Agility can be added by 1 from an injection at EPA’s Blue lvl and 1 from perk.

6. Luck can be added by 2 at NCR’s Hubo place and 1 from perk.

So the one thing to note is, set Endurance to 9 and add 1 from perk as soon as possible, do the same for Intelligence. If you are worried about money, EPA has a toaster that will help you get all the money from casino machines, and those machines reload their cash at short intervals. In real, the tag skills one must have are Energy Weapon, Unarmed and Steal, and add Big Guns later. But the first skill to raise is Steal. Never pick Small Arms as tag skill. You can come across books which will raise the skill to 91%, and by then… you can vaporise anything with your energy weapon. So?

There is a need to raise your Doctor skill to at least 50% in case you got crippled during battle.

Once you got the YK32 rifle (Skill 260), you can hunt the wild for big experience points. Once you got the Bonzar (Skill 200), you can hunt the floaters…  Basically, you are unstoppable.

Perks you should avoid are fast learner, educated and such rubbish… What you should get 1st is to reduce two action points to take items, then magnetic personalities, then shooting skills, then action points, then more criticals, then dodger, then toughness. Once you get to toughest, you are a superman. NPCs in my team: Sulik, Myron (must, this is the only chap who fires energy bolts), Vic, Cassidy, Kitsune (From EPA).

Sulik is chosen for his melee, with super-sledge, every hit could be a critical and he can push floaters far far away…

Myron is chosen to fight deathclaws and aliens since he is the only guy who can use energy pistols… other than Marcus who can’t wear an armor and another idiotic sergent in EPA who likes man…

Vic is chosen because there is no other better choices, unless you prefer the whimpy Lenny ghoul who can’t shoot well and runs away usually when you most need him, not to mention, he can be shot dead pretty easily.

Cassidy is chosen because you really need a good additional gun…

Kitsune is chosen because she’d increase your certain skills by 10% each, and she is great in two things… as a sniper and her unarm combat is ridiculously good. Of course, if you have her around, Myron’s lines will be amusing. Myron loves women, Kitsune is a babe.

RoboBrain is cool, it shoots  great with best brain installed, but only got Metal Armor Mk2, and it can’t take Stims or be repaired during battles, so pretty useless. Goris can’t use firearms, and energy weapons take it down too easily… typically useless as well. And forget about all those robo-dogs or dogs… You don’t really need very high charisma to get the ace team, and you can raise speech to 100% with Intelligence at 10 for speech. If you lack YK32 rifles, during your random encounters some caves got robbers. These assholes carry the best weapons in the game… just be sure you set all the NPC sidekicks to ‘Stay close to me’ and you have the ability to shoot and kill at sight with ONE strike. They will make getting items in San Fransico shops much easier.

During your wild hunt to raise your kill stats, visit the doctor in Redding to get your entire team full health again.

In the full version, you can visit Sulik’s village and also to rescue her (raped) sister from the slavers.

Hubologists encounter is great because their weapons fetch good market price and they are great source of caseless ammo. The point is, steal those plasma grenades before the battle is initiated. The other way to get expensive items to trade for useful items is to hunt those Enclave Patrols. One YK32 pistol is worth like 15,000bucks. But make sure you take out the guy with the Gauss Pistol first.

When your speech is 90% and Intelligence is 10, go to Gecko’s robot terminal and mess with the Enclave asshole online. Upon exiting Gecko, you’d encounter a dispatch of about 8 soldiers coming for you. Speaking your way out, you run to their backs and you can kill them one by one… without them returning a single fire… … Of course, you kill each with one critical shot.

You can also get the Stealth Boy watch from the Abbey, but it’s really useless since you can dispatch anything in the wasteland with unlimited ammo using Steal. You can also get the most powerful grenade from the Vopal Rat Encounter… watching a rat either escapes or kills all the ‘knights of Arthur’. The Holy Grenade can blast away 200+ hits even if one is wearing power armor. Cool~
[Gosh, I miss my hairstyle. I prefer shots in longer hair but mum… thinks it’s havoc. So I for once I anyohow cut to cure the disorder. This is done before the cut. The above is the ‘resultant’ from that chin chay cut… still growing long.]

[Baby Learns To Rock] After the HIV test, it’d be time to send the psychatrist letter for SAF medical review purpose. Everything has to be done step by step, the doctor has wanted me off-everything… even job-searching due to the anxiety disorder. It’s very ironic when I read about people committing suicides due to work pressures, then the news brought in Kerin Peh who committed suicide due to love… or more technically put, due to depression with professional help denied, and here I am trying to stay alive.

Meanwhile, I have to survive through Cat’s departure and the lonliness and the symptoms and the bla bla bla… … Heartbreaks, physical pains, mental pressures, Cisco disturbances… Kerin’s diary suggested she believes in the other world. But… so do I. Yet I can’t die. She never had seen ghosts, I did. Yet it is precisely why I refuse to die, that I hate dying, that… immortality… … From someone who won’t age to now aging. Laughable. Gods know I am an angel, I am not perfect, but I am a mortal.

A teacher killed herself due to work pressure? I don’t understand.

Love is not a reason to die… in spite the heartbreak is usually so painful. The distaste for worklife is no reason to die as well, it’s a call for resignation… at worse to be a jobless. I don’t understand Singaporeans. Just as I don’t understand those social bastards. I used to be an immortal… I know if I were to be an immortal again, it’s near impossible. But at the face of death… also opens the door for a chance to live.

Mortals… …

I am not Kerin. I fought through the pain… I sought help everywhere till even people think I am crazy… till even I become a nuisance… I refused to give up without a fight. I fought alone… with counsellors who won’t sincerely help, with medical care my dread body has to drag from one department to another… … and to see Cat leaving, to embrace her insults… Kerin had alot of friends, she had a better career than I do, the world pays attention to her and subsequently her death. Yet only the living is blogging about her.

I am not bothered with the pain on the skins. I wasn’t bothered about the deep cuts from battles. I was trained to endure pain and chemicals.  Because we want to live.

Kerin Peh… her story appeared again and again and again in the media. If she were to be me… in my current challenge… how many times can she survive?

But in a way, I admire her… how many have the courage to die? Yet, how many have the courage to suffer? I envy that guy… Yet, it’s a forbidden envy, because Heaven doesn’t encourage stupidity, especially on something so sacred as love. Yet, when I have to face the challenges in the year of Tiger… to face death, to face the HIV tests, to face everything… how many women will be there for me? Love… to death shalt we be apart… but death is not the expression of love. Kerin never understands… I love Kate, I’d rather stay away forever from the couple than to hope for her death.

I read about guys who attacked wives and the other men… … Is this love? Or is this stupid pride? Or just… “you touch my belongings” mentality?

And the perverts… …

These mortals… they go to church, they pray to God, they dare to show their shameless faces to Heaven… They rape, they con, they steal, they rob, they sin~ in the name of love and God.

But women… without love, they are just about clitoris, holes, boobs… sex. In a way, I respect Kerin. She was more than a cunt, for this… it’s a precious something in this fucked-up world of crazy materialistic women. This kind of women should live… and learn the truth of love, and of life. If only she had used her courage to fuel her soul to live on… If only… … We were taught that a gun is not meant to kill… it’s meant to help us live. We trained hard not to kill, but to return in one piece. We love hence we want them alive. If they die, we’d feel the pain.

Life is precious… yet so many take them like some jokes.

Am I a loser? But I am no farmer as the women ain’t cows. Yes. I need a woman… I need a woman, a real woman. I don’t need a cow, I am not a farmer. It’s very strange to see those violence… because of love. Am I not supposed to be amused? I am so… I find it so strange why a married man needs to take so many pictures of the under-bodies of women? Why didn’t he become a doctor, he can see all those private parts without those undies legitimately.

Nope. I did not read news that often recently. I am feeling like shit.

The cunts and the dicks…

I held my sis’ baby in my arms as she observed me as if I were to be her daddy… she’d grow up to be a woman… but before that, she is a baby in an angel’s arms. I like to see her smile… a baby’s smile is pure and it’s really a smile. She could feel my love as I rocked her gently… … Man starts innocent, and how many will remain an angel? Welcome to mortality, baby… it’d be your choice between hell and heaven thereafter.