[One of the most stylish shots featuring the eyes and the lips for a ‘soul drinker’… And my hair is getting pretty long. Rather Japanese in nature for this CGP. I love the peaceful yet hunting feel of this one. Perfect. Basically, what I desire most… is a great kiss from my love.]

What I want is what I shalt search for till I have found it… where there is no second best.

As I take over control of myself, I am feeling alot better. I might have found some leads for Cat’s extra kitten. No matter, when that kitten grows up… he’d have to face the cruel reality of his real jerk-father. Singapore… It’s harsh a desert even to Cat, who once was a really perfect girl. But her stupidity is beyond understanding and my cover. And surprisingly, she never like learns her lessons. As for Kate, I can only feel sad for her. Nothing much I can do more. Besides, before her I am always an ogre.

I am trying to convince myself to stick to plan… to try taking over, to expand, then when parents are gone… I’d flee.

It’s very lonly in Singapore trying to connect with a cultural desert. These people’s thinking rejects reasonableness, and the disgusting pursue of wealth has reached unbearable level. Disgusting people set the examples… the entire state becomes uncompetitive. Is this where I am going to base myself and my children? In a way, if I were to have met Hilary in Guangzhou… I might not have left. But it’s still naive thinking because Cat needed me so much back then… Heaven would have calculated this. I’d need to let Cat go, and find someone else while tolerating… … Fortune tellers were right, my parents are very difficult for me. But I can’t curse them to Hades. Fortune tellers were also right. This island is cursed with small people. I don’t need to curse this island since the solution is to leave eventually.

And I don’t even bother about those people.

If they are people… Most of these people are condemned to Hell, they have booked their tickets to Hell, so… so that sometimes I marvel at so many soul-less people who go to pray, face the gods, while pastors cheat and lie and con and enrich themselves beyond their wildest imagination while many many many that the crucified son of God would have wanted to save suffer and wither. And more were jumping to their deaths as City Harvest pastors enrich themselves beyond rational concerns. What have happened to Singapore?

Pretenders. Hideous shameless pretenders… If Jack Neo can go to heaven, I’d prefer to stay back as an immortal.

This people is making no sense.

Evil…

Then I’d remember Kate’s smile when she was in college… It becomes such a huge contrast with the messy reality in Singapore. I definitely miss her younger days. She has become a crap’s woman. Ironically put, she was the one who taught me the word ‘crap’. And when she reminds me of that man… that man reminds me of how the extra kitten of Cat looks like, and my curiousity runs high. How coincidental… It makes me hate Singapore in a way… where talents suffer, and Jackasses are groomed, and tons of nosense goes hyper.

My parents have made a horrible mistake of not migrating. Their stupidity could be disasterous. 

Lih, Hilary, Kate, Cat… They are the four most significant women… and each of them are disappointments. Lih… she went the wrong path, totally changed. Hilary… she wanted me to stay with not the trust for me. Kate… the destined girl who ends up with someone totally unagreeable by any measures. Cat… she ended up a betrayer, a liar, and is a big destructive time-bomb that I now have to get rid of. All of them were also the sources of the most beautiful memories for me.

Women… I need to find another… while keeping local women at bay. Kate is a destined woman, so far… my game with God has been solid. If he shows hand with Kate later on, I’d be in a difficult situation. Based on love, I’d definitely lose on this one. The only way hence… is to cheat my heart with another card already in hand. I am very worried… if I ever see her again, I’d go crazy and there won’t be another key. Kate has tuned up her privacy settings somehow on facebook… But I have not bothered with her ‘wall summary’ for quite some time, so it’s not an issue here. I don’t even touch her friend-list these days.  Her IC number has never been used. I don’t even want to know of that man’s details except that his look does rouse my interest because of Cat’s kitten.

He’s fat and… he really reminds me of a pig with that nose that mouth those eyes and those ears, and he feels like a clown to me. Now know why I find him totally unagreeable… … Yes. Revolting. And it’s literally a humiliation to me. Kate and myself are pretty classic people, with an air of royal arrogance… When I first looked at him… … The women said since she is so important why not get her… and how in the fuck can I charge when I know she has chosen such a man…?! My soul generates huge inertia… great reluctance to embrace Kate who has been stained by such… hideous creature.

It’s such a pain. Not only that… I don’t think he’s really such a great or compatible guy.

I really need to hate her… but I can’t bring myself to. She’s the destined woman not mainly because fortune tellers said so…

But what I want in a woman is a classic, someone with grace and wisdom, with an air of maturity and holy feel… a woman whom I can stare into the eyes on the bed for like forever. I am looking for a real Queen. Kate does make me realise one thing… I am disgusted with bad taste. It is really a major turn-off to consider any women who chose with no standards to begin with… and the only big reason for the speculation is about income scale. And Scope is well-known to despise women who see men as ATMs. Then now, I am also on the look-out for idiotic women who crave for commitment without the need of real love. It’s just pure disaster to fall in ‘love’ with such crazy women who fall for commitment.

And I think of Lynn’s siding with Cat… I think Lynn’s crazy. What does she really know?

Cat will never learn. Just as well… She’d lose what she doesn’t cherish. I am totally disgusted with her.

No more craps. I want a Queen.

♥♥♥   ♥♥♥

[It’s about how I feel. I really need a good rest. Europe is where I shalt begin my search; there are horrible sluts over there… But I don’t need horrible sluts, just as I fuck care about this puny world of nosense.  I want someone who will worth my love for eternality… I don’t need a bitch, especially a ridiculous one. Gently, I made a wish and slept…]

Recently, I chatted with a woman. She was quite attractive, but most importantly she was a nice chat. I didn’t get her number… I forgot to do so. However, I am definitely cooling down. Yes. There are many young beautiful women around for companionship, and I need one especially now. And I’d need to recover fully… and throw Kate once again out of my life so life can go on normally, so that she can’t hurt me anymore. I don’t want to find out anymore about her… The more I find out the more craps I’d have to face with.

However… I know that if she’d end up in danger, I’d probably be rushing to her rescue.

I don’t like Jacky Chan nowadays, but I am definitely going for ‘Karate Kid’ tomorrow. It has been a few months since I am so engrossed with the wife-of-previous-life that I have virtually ignored the world. This is a very ugly world indeed while my heart is very beautiful. Something interesting happened recently when I was looking for directions, it ended up with me chatting with a girl and she was asking which university I am currently studying in and I gave her a random answer. I looked at her… She asked if I was seeing anyone.  She was blushing.

She was very pretty blushing.

She was like so young… and I was like low morale and too mature for her. She was about the same age as the girl who told me years ago she thought she was the type who could rein me in… I smiled back then. She was not against my rule, but come to think of it now… I should have dated her… and that girl. Why not? They ain’t over 31yo, they ain’t married. And dating won’t kill.

Elaine has been most unhappy with my madness over a woman so old, and Yun has returned for about 2 weeks and we have not met in spite that she did find me. Pat is not pleased as well, and Diana wants me to leave her alone. As for Babe A… I mean she has been sobbing, and that’s like overdoing it. I literally disappear for like more than a month since I located Kate… I am so terribly sorry. One of them may end up taking over from Cat eventually… But I am thinking of getting a Vietnamese beauty instead. There is a good reason. I need someone to take care of my life in the first year of enduring shits… someone who’d clean up the rooms, join me in the bedroom, and serve meals. Elaine loves her condom collections, Yun flies here and there, Pat is like a workaholic, and Diana… she’s too wild and free, and Babe A is really too emotional for anything especially when I am struggling.

Think I’d drop by Yun’s place, then call Elaine, take Pat out for her lunch breaks, pick Diana after work and take Babe A for movies and shopping… and everything should be back to normal. And… I’d need first to prepare a gift for each of them to make them happy, then a kiss. Hopefully things will be back to normal… …

Else I’d have to really start searching for the new batch of Wonder Girls.

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